chapter2-page_31-61

Chapter 2 We came to Mandalay in early May, seven weeks

after getting married.

Maxim said it would be the best time and the valley would be full of flowers.

When we left London in the morning, it was raining hard.

Maxim said, this is London rain, the sun will be shining for you when we come to Mandalay.

He was right, the sun came out as we approached Mandalay, the sky was blue, and I was happy to see the sun.

Feeling better, asked Maxim, and I smiled at him.

It was easy for him going to his own home.

I wondered if he knew that I was nervous, I was anxious about going to Mandalay.

I was going to Mandalay for the first time as the wife of Maxim De Winter.

Only two more miles, he said.

Do you see those trees on the hills in front of us, and a little bit of sea behind it?

Mandalay is in the valley behind those trees.

I tried to smile and did not answer.

I felt panic and sickness.

I was like a child on her first day at school.

Turning a corner, we came to a crossroads.

Here we are, Maxim said excitedly.

The road turned again.

On the left were two iron gates beside a lodge.

We drove through the gates, and I saw people looking out of the windows of the lodge.

I sat back in my seat.

My heart was beating fast.

I knew why the faces were looking at us.

You must not mind if people are curious, he said.

Everyone will want to know about you.

They have been talking about you for weeks now.

Just be yourself, and everyone will adore you.

Don't worry about the house.

Mrs. Downvers does everything.

Just leave it to her.

She may be called to you at first.

She's a strange person.

But don't worry about that.

The gates shot behind us, and we drove along the drive that led up to the house.

It twisted and turned like a snake.

It was crowded with trees on both sides.

Only a little bit of sunlight came through the thick branches above us.

We went on and on, and kept making turns.

Suddenly, the trees came to an end, and I saw the sky.

To the right and to the left of us, there were beautiful high bushes covered with blood red flowers.

I was shocked for a moment, because they were extremely tall.

They grew into the sky, beautiful and powerful.

We were not far from the house now.

We turned the last corner and came to Mandalay.

Yes, there it was.

It was beautiful and perfect,

lovelier than I had ever dreamed.

We drove up to the stone steps and stopped the car.

I saw through one of the windows that the house was full of people.

Maxim saw this too, and was very angry.

That woman knows I did not want this, he said.

What's the matter?

Who are all those people? I asked.

I'm sorry, he said.

You'll have to face it now.

Mrs. Danvers has collected all the staff to welcome us.

Don't worry. I'll take care of it. You don't have to say anything.

I felt sick. I tried to open the door.

The butler came down the steps and opened it for me.

He was an old man with a kind face.

Well, here we are, Frith, said Maxim.

Everyone well?

Yes, thank you, sir.

Glad to see you at home again, said Frith.

Hope you are well, and Madame too.

Yes, we are both well. Thank you, Frith.

But we're tired and need our tea. I didn't expect all these people.

Mrs. Danvers orders, sir.

I thought so, said Maxim.

Come on, he said to me. It won't take long.

Then you will have your tea.

We went up the stairs.

I remember clearly standing at the door of the house.

I was a slim and awkward young woman.

I saw the crowds of faces gazing at me curiously.

A tall woman dressed in black came towards us.

She had a pale, thin face and a cold look in her dark eyes.

We shook hands. Her hand was cold and heavy, almost lifeless.

This is Mrs. Danvers, said Maxim.

The woman began to speak, her hollow eyes not leaving my eyes.

I could not look into her eyes. I felt discomfort.

She welcomed me to Mandalay in a cold and lifeless voice.

I thanked her, and she kept looking at me with her dark eyes.

I dropped my gloves on the floor. She picked them up,

and I saw a little smile of scorn on her lips.

Her expression made me anxious. Maxim noticed nothing.

He thanked everyone and took me to the library. We were alone again.

Two dogs came from the fireside to greet us. They went to Maxim first.

Then they came to me and sniffed at my heels.

One was the mother, and she went back to her place at the fireplace.

The younger one, Jasper, laid his chin on my knee.

I took off my hat and felt better.

The library was a big, comfortable room, with books from the floor to the ceiling,

and big chairs beside a fireplace. You could see the lawns and the distance

see from the long windows. It was a peaceful room.

Soon tea was brought to us by Frith and the younger servant.

Maxim looked through his letters, while I had some cake and tea.

Now and then he looked up at me and smiled.

I thought of how little I knew about his life at Mandalay.

I sat back in my chair and looked around the room.

I was trying to get myself to believe that I was here at Mandalay.

I had to teach myself that this was all mine now, mine and his.

I pictured us in years to come.

Maxim and I had grown all together. We had tea here every day.

Maxim and I, with other dogs.

We had raised children, two boys running around in muddy shoes.

My thoughts were disturbed when Frith came in.

Madam, Mrs. Danvers wonders if you would like to see your room.

Maxim looked up from his letters.

How do the rooms in the east wing look now?

The men finished work last Monday.

It looks very nice now. I think you will be comfortable there, sir.

Have you been making changes? I asked.

Oh, nothing much, said Maxim.

I had them redecorate and paint the rooms in the east wing.

That side of the house is much more cheerful.

I'll finish these letters and then join you.

You go and make friends with Mrs. Danvers.

I got up slowly and went out.

I wished Maxim had come with me.

I was nervous again and did not want to go with Mrs. Danvers.

Mrs. Danvers stood waiting for me at the top of the stairs.

The dark eyes were watching me carefully from the white face.

I was alone with her now.

I went up the stairs towards her.

Her eyes never left my face.

I hope I haven't kept you waiting, I said, as I smiled.

It's my duty to wait for you, Madam, she said.

I carry out your orders.

She led me a long and wide passage.

We went through doors and another passage and more doors.

At last we reached the door.

She opened it and stood aside to let me pass.

It was a small room with a sofa, chairs and a desk

and it opened out to a large bedroom with wide windows.

I went to the window and saw the rose garden and the smooth grass below.

You can't see the sea from here, I said.

No, not from this wing, she replied.

She spoke in a strange way as though this wing was not very good.

I'm sorry, I like the sea, I said.

She did not answer, she went on staring at me.

But this is a very nice room, I'm sure I'll be comfortable here.

Mr De Winter gave orders in his letter about this room.

The rooms have been arranged for you.

So this was not his bedroom before.

No, Madam, he's never used this wing before.

There was silence between us, I wished she would go away.

She was standing there, watching me.

I suppose you have been at Mandalay for many years, I said.

Not as long as Frith, he was here when Mr De Winter was a boy.

I came much later.

I looked up and met her eyes, dark and serious.

There was no light, no sympathy in them.

I came when the first Mrs De Winter got married and moved here.

Her dull, lifeless voice had suddenly become alive as she said this.

The sudden change in her voice shocked and scared me.

Her eyes never left my face, I could see she despised me.

Mrs Danvers, I said, I hope we will be friends.

This kind of life is new to me.

I want to make Mr De Winter happy.

I know I can leave the housekeeping to you, I don't want to make any changes.

Very well, she said, I hope you will be satisfied.

I've been looking after the house for more than a year now.

It was different when Mrs De Winter was alive.

There were many parties, and she liked to take care of everything.

I prefer to leave it to you.

I'm sure we'll be comfortable here, I said.

I noticed the same look in her face again, a look of scorn and dislike.

I wished she would go.

She was like a shadow.

If Mr De Winter asks for his wardrobe, she said suddenly.

Please tell him it was impossible to move.

The rooms here are smaller than the rooms in the West Wing.

Don't worry, I'm sure he'll be happy with everything.

The rooms in the West Wing are very old.

The bedroom is twice as big as this one.

It's the most beautiful room in this house, and the windows look down to the sea.

It was Mrs De Winter's room.

Suddenly, I saw a shadow across her face.

I felt uncomfortable, as she moved to leave, Maxim came in.

How is it? He asked cheerfully.

I always thought this was the nicest room in the house.

It looks good. You've done well, Mrs Danvers.

Thank you, sir, she said.

Then she went out and closed the door.

I love the rose garden, said Maxim, as he looked out of the window.

This is a peaceful, quiet room.

You would not know the sea is so close.

He looked around the room.

How did you get on with Mrs Danvers?

He asked.

She's a strange woman.

Don't worry about her.

We'll get on well when she knows me better, I said.

She may not like me at first.

Let's forget about Mrs Danvers.

She doesn't interest me much, he said.

Let me show you around Mandalay.

I felt happier when we walked around the rooms and looked at pictures.

Maxim put his hand on my shoulder.

I felt like Mandalay would be my home.

We sat in the library after dinner.

It was new for us to sit like this.

In Italy we had taken walks after dinner.

Now we were sitting in front of the fireplace.

Maxim picked up his newspaper and went on reading without looking at me.

As I sat there I realized I was not the first one to sit on that chair.

Another person had sat there, had poured the coffee from that same pot,

had drunk from that cup, had petted the dog.

Suddenly I shivered as though someone had opened the door behind me.

I remember our first morning well.

I had woken up late and when I went downstairs to the dining room,

Maxim had already got dressed, written his letters and was finishing breakfast.

I always get up early, he said, as he smiled.

Looking after a place like Mandalay is hard work.

The coffee and food are here, help yourself.

I was impressed by the size of the breakfast.

It was too much for two people.

I took a boiled egg and some tea and I wondered what happened to the rest of the food.

Would it be eaten or thrown away?

I would never know of course.

I would never be strong enough to ask Mrs. Danvers.

My sister, Beatrice, is coming to lunch with her husband Giles.

She wants to meet you, said Maxim.

Today, I said, yes, she sent a letter this morning.

You'll like her, I think.

She's very direct.

If she doesn't like you, she'll tell you.

This was not comforting at all.

Maxim got up.

I have a lot to do this morning.

I have to see my agent, Frank Crawley.

He'll be at lunch too.

I don't have time to show you around the garden.

You won't be bored by yourself, will you?

He picked up his letters and went out.

I ate my breakfast alone.

As I left the room, I tripped and almost fell.

Frith came to help me.

I saw the young servant Robert, trying to hide his smile.

I went into the library, but it was very cold.

I looked for a box of matches to light the fire.

I went back to the dining room to find one.

Frith came in.

I can't find any matches, Frith, I said.

I felt cold in the library.

The fire in the library is lit in the afternoon's madam, he said.

Mrs. De Winter always used the morning room before lunch.

There is a good fire in there.

Of course, I can have someone light the fire in the library if you wish so.

Oh no, thank you, Frith, I said.

I'll go to the morning room.

There's paper and pens in the room for you to write your letters.

And a house telephone if you want to talk to Mrs. Danvers.

I thanked him and went into the hall.

I went into some rooms, but got lost in the big house.

Frith saw me and showed me the way.

I felt very stupid.

When I entered the morning room, I was glad to see the dogs sitting there by the fire.

It was a little room, very different from the library.

It was a woman's room.

Each ornament, each rug, each piece of furniture was chosen carefully.

The room was filled with the blood -red flowers that I had seen yesterday.

They were in every vase on the fireplace, on the table, and on the writing desk.

The writing desk was old and beautiful.

Everything was perfectly organized.

The drawers were labeled letters, addresses, menus, household, etc.

I found a book, guests at Mandalay. It was Rebecca's writing.

I turned the pages.

It was a detailed record of all the guests where they had slept

and what they had eaten.

Suddenly, the telephone rang.

My heart jumped. I picked it up.

Who is it? I said.

Who do you want?

Mrs. De Winter?

Said a harsh, deep voice.

Mrs. De Winter?

I'm afraid you've made a mistake.

Mrs. De Winter has been dead for over a year.

I suddenly realized my mistake.

It's Mrs. Danvers, madam, said the voice.

I'm speaking to you on the house phone.

I'm very sorry, Mrs. Danvers, I said.

The telephone frightened me. I didn't know what I was saying.

I wondered if you wished to see me.

Do you approve of the menus for today?

The list is on the desk.

I searched nervously and found it.

I looked at it quickly.

Yes, Mrs. Danvers, I said. Very nice.

I'm sorry, I disturbed you while you were writing, madam.

You didn't disturb me at all. Thank you, Mrs. Danvers, I said.

I put down the phone and looked at the desk.

I felt very lazy and stupid.

Rebecca had not wasted time like I did.

She gave her orders and wrote her letters.

She was efficient.

I sat there, unable to think of anybody to write to.

Then, I thought of Mrs. Van Hopper in New York.

I took a sheet of paper and a pen.

Dear Mrs. Van Hopper, I began.

I noticed for the first time how weak and childish my handwriting was.

It was the writing of a schoolgirl.

When I heard the sound of the car in the drive,

I stood up in panic.

I looked at the clock and knew that Beatrice and her husband had arrived.

They had come earlier than I expected.

And Maxim was not back yet.

I could not meet them by myself, so I decided to hide.

I ran out of the morning room.

I went through a door on the left.

It was in a long stone corridor.

I ran along feeling stupid and hating myself for being so nervous.

I was in the back parts of the house.

I saw a servant who stared at me in surprise.

I climbed up some stairs, but I had lost my way.

I went on and came to a long dark corridor.

There were doors on both sides of the corridor.

I kept walking and finally came to a window that gave me some light.

I looked out and saw the sea.

It was very close.

I could hear the sound of the waves in the bay.

I knew that I was in the west wing of the house.

I was glad my rooms were in the east wing.

I preferred the rose garden to the sound of the sea.

As I turned to go back, I heard the door behind me open.

It was Mrs. Danvers.

We stared at each other.

I lost my way, I said.

I was trying to find my room.

This is the west wing, she said.

Did you go into any of the rooms?

If you wish to open up the rooms, I will have it done.

No, no, thank you, I said.

I began to walk down the stairs and she came with me.

We walked for a while.

Mrs. Lacy and Major Lacy have been here some time, she said.

Oh, I said, I hadn't realized that.

Frith must have taken them to the morning room.

You know your way, don't you?

Yes, Mrs. Danvers, I said.

I went down the big stairway and felt her eyes watching me.

I could hear the sound of voices from the morning room.

As I went in, I looked back over my shoulder.

She was still watching me.

Here she is, Maxim said.

Where have you been hiding?

Here is Beatrice and this is Giles and this is Frank Crawley, our agent.

Beatrice was tall and beautiful.

She was very much like Maxim.

She shook my hand and turned to Maxim.

She's quite different from what I expected, not like your description at all, she said.

Everyone laughed and I joined in.

Giles was a big man with friendly eyes smiling behind glasses.

Frank Crawley was a thin man with a pleasant face.

What do you think of Mandalay? asked Beatrice.

I haven't seen much of it yet, I said.

It's beautiful, of course.

She was looking at me carefully, but not with unfriendliness.

She was Maxim's sister and had a right to judge me.

You're looking better, Maxim, she said.

We need to thank your wife for that.

You were in a mess six months ago, I was so worried about you.

Giles agreed with her.

I noticed that Maxim did not like this.

He sunburnt, I said.

He spent his days sunbathing in Venice.

He thinks it makes him look better, I said.

Everyone laughed.

They asked us questions about Venice.

I had successfully changed the topic.

Beatrice invited me to their house.

We can go hunting on the horse, she said.

I don't hunt, but I used to ride as a child, I said.

I like walking, I'm sure I won't get tired of walking around Mandalay.

I also like to swim.

Is it safe to swim in the bay here?

Nobody answered, and I realized what I had said.

Rebecca had been drowned in the bay.

I felt my face go red with embarrassment.

Jasper can swim, said Beatrice, to break the paws.

We patted the dog together, not looking at each other.

At that moment, Frith came in and denounced that lunch was ready.

We all got up and walked towards the dining room.

Beatrice walked with me.

You know, you are younger than I expected.

Tell me, do you love Maxim very much?

She must have seen the surprise in my face.

She laughed lightly.

Don't answer, she said.

I can see that you do.

He does look very well.

We were all very worried about him last year, but you know the story.

She was wrong.

I did not know anything about the year before.

Lunch passed better than I expected.

Beatrice and Maxim chatted about Mandalay.

Mr. Crawley talked with me in a friendly way.

Giles seemed more interested in the food.

Lunch was over, and I could see Maxim was tired.

I went out into the garden with Beatrice.

She wanted to get to know me.

I told her about Mrs. Van Hopper and Monte Carlo, and how I met Maxim.

Yes, she said.

It all happened very suddenly, but we were all very pleased, my dear,

and I do hope you will be happy.

She was kind and sincere.

I liked her very much, but I could feel the doubt in her voice.

When Maxim wrote to me to say he had met a very young and pretty girl,

I was shocked, she said.

We all expected a modern kind of girl.

When you came into the room today, I was very surprised.

She laughed, and I laughed with her.

Maxim and I are quite different, she said.

I show everything on my face.

Maxim is different, very quiet.

He loses his temper only once a year.

I don't think he'll lose it with you though.

You are easy going, she smiled.

How do you get on with Mrs. Danvers?

She asks suddenly.

She scares me a little.

I've never met anyone like her, I said.

She may make things unpleasant for you at first.

Of course, she is very jealous, she hates you being here.

Why, I asked.

Why should she be jealous?

My dear, she said.

I thought Maxim had told you.

She adored Rebecca.

Oh, I see, I said.

The men came out of the house and joined us.

Mr. Crawley thanked me for lunch and left.

Beatrice and Giles stayed.

They wanted to sit under the tree so chairs and rugs were brought out.

It was a peaceful afternoon.

I could smell the sweet flowers and hear the buzzing of the bees.

They talked while I sat with Jasper, lying lazily beside me.

Everything was quiet and still.

Even the sea seemed far away.

I felt relaxed and happy.

I wanted to go on sitting there forever.

This moment was safe.

Here, we sat together, Maxim and I, hand in hand,

and the past and the future did not matter.

Well, we must be going, said Beatrice.

We got up.

The sun was going down.

The sky had changed already.

Beatrice took my hand and kissed me.

Goodbye.

Forgive me if I've asked you a lot of rude questions, my dear.

As I said before, you're not what I expected.

You are so very different from Rebecca.

We came out onto the steps.

The sun had gone behind a cloud and a little rain began to fall.

As we watched the car leave, Maxim turned to me and said,

Thank God they're gone.

Get a coat.

I don't care if it's raining.

I want to walk.

I'll run upstairs for my coat, I said.

There are many raincoats in the flower room.

Robert, bring a coat from the flower room for Mrs. De Winter, will you?

Robert went and came back with a raincoat.

I put it on.

It was too big and too long, but there was no time to change it.

We started walking across the lawn towards the woods,

Jasper running in front.

I get tired of my family very easily, said Maxim.

Beatrice is one of the best people in the world,

but she always says the wrong things.

I was not sure what Beatrice had said to him.

What did you think of Beatrice, he asked?

What did she talk to you about in the garden after lunch?

I like her very much.

I did most of the talking.

I told her about how you and I met.

She said I was different from what she expected.

What did she expect?

I guess someone much smarter, a modern young woman.

Sometimes Beatrice can be quite stupid, he said.

We climbed the grass bank and went into the woods.

The trees were very close together and it was dark.

I took Maxim's arm.

We came to a clearing in the woods.

There were two paths.

Jasper took the one on the right.

Not that way, Jasper, called Maxim.

Come here, boy.

The dog did not return.

I asked why he wanted to go that way.

I suppose he's used to it, said Maxim.

That path leads to a small bay.

We used to keep a boat there.

Come on, Jasper.

We took the path on the left.

I looked back and saw that Jasper was following us.

This path brings us to the valley I told you about, said Maxim.

He seemed all right again, happy and cheerful.

The Maxim I knew and loved.

He began talking about Frank Crawley, what a good person he was,

and how much he loved Mandalay.

I listened to him happily.

There, he said suddenly, take a look at that.

We were standing on the top of a small hill,

and the path in front of us led to a valley by the side of a stream.

There were no dark trees there, only beautiful flowers.

They were pink, white and gold.

The air was full of their scent.

There was no sound, only the running of the small stream and the quiet rain.

We call it the happy valley, said Maxim softly.

We stood still, not speaking.

Maxim picked up a fall and petal and gave it to me.

I rubbed it across my hand.

The scent was sweet and strong.

Birds began to sing.

As we walked down into the valley, the white petals followed us.

I had not thought it could be as beautiful as this.

This was the heart of Mandalay, the Mandalay I would know and love.

We came to the end of the path.

The valley was now behind us.

We were standing in a little narrow bay, and the sea was in front of us.

It's a surprise, isn't it, said Maxim?

No one expects the sea to appear so suddenly.

He picked up a stone and threw it across the beach for Jasper to get.

We were throwing stones into the water.

We found a big piece of wood in the sea and carried it to the beach.

We were laughing, and then we realized Jasper had disappeared.

We called, we whistled, but he did not come.

Then, in the distance, beyond the rocks at the right, I heard a short bark.

He had climbed over that way.

I began climbing up the slippery rocks.

Come back, said Maxim sharply.

He's all right. He knows his way back home.

I was afraid the dog would get hurt.

So I kept climbing the rocks in his direction.

Then I saw another bay down there.

There was a boy in the water, but no boat.

The beach had white sand, and there was a long, low building, a boat house, or a cottage.

I looked back. Maxim was not coming.

There was a man on the beach, maybe a fisherman, and Jasper was barking at him.

I called Jasper, but he did not obey me. There was something strange about the man.

Good day, he said, with a stupid smile. Bad weather.

Good afternoon, I said. It's not very nice weather.

I tried to call Jasper again, but he did not listen.

I asked the man if he had any string so that I could tie the dog.

But the man was difficult to talk to. He did not seem to understand me.

I know that dog, he said. He comes from the house. He's not yours.

Yes, he's Mr. De Winter's dog. I want to take him back to the house, I said gently.

I wondered if there was any string in the cottage.

The grass around the house had overgrown, and there were long pieces of wood over the windows.

Surprisingly, the door opened easily, and I went in.

It was dirty and dusty, and very damp inside. There was a desk, a table, and chairs, and a sofa.

There were bookshelves with books inside them.

The house had been disused for some time.

I looked around for some string. I opened a door at the end of the room,

and it led into a small boat house. There were ropes, blocks, sales, some paint, and other things.

I saw some string and an old knife on a shelf. I cut a piece of string and left the room.

Hurredly, I went outside, not looking behind me. There was something frightening about that small cottage.

The man was watching me.

I saw you go in there, he said.

Yes, I said. It's all right. Mr. De Winter won't mind.

She doesn't go in there anymore. She's gone in the sea. She won't come back, will she?

He said. No, I said. I didn't say anything did I? He said anxiously.

He turned and walked back towards the sea. I saw Maxim waiting for me by the rocks.

I'm sorry. I had to find some string for Jasper.

Who's that man?

He's Ben, said Maxim. He's a bit mad, but he's harmless.

Where did you get that string?

I found it in the cottage. The door was open. The place looked untouched. It was dusty and very damp.

The door should be locked. No one should go in there, he said.

He was walking very fast now. We were climbing up a steep hill. The trees were thick and dark here.

It was cold and my legs ached. Jasper was tired and was coming slowly after us.

Maxim shouted at the dog.

It's your fault, I said. You walk so fast.

If you had listened to me, we would have been home by now. Why did you go after Jasper?

Now, you are complaining because you are tired.

I'm not complaining. I thought you would come after me, but you didn't.

Why should I go after the stupid dog? He said.

That's just an excuse. You didn't want to go over those rocks.

All right. I did not want to go to the other beach. I never want to go there.

If you had the memories I had, you wouldn't want to go there, either. I hope you're happy now.

His face was white and his eyes had the tired and lost look again. I took his hand.

Please, Maxim, please, I said. I don't want you to look like that.

It hurts me too much. I'm sorry, darling. Let's forget all we said.

We should have stayed in Italy, he said. He walked through the trees and I had to run

to keep up with him, pulling Jasper after me. I was about to cry.

At last we reached the house. Maxim's face was hard without expression.

Frith was in the hall. I want tea, said Maxim, and went into the library and shot the door.

I tried to keep back my tears. Frith must not see them. He came to help me off with the raincoat.

He picked up something from the floor. Your handkerchief, madam.

Thank you, I said, putting it in my pocket. I walked slowly to the library.

Maxim was sitting in his chair. I sat down by his chair.

Don't be angry with me anymore. I've made you unhappy, I said.

I'm not angry with you, he said. I can't bear to see you like this. I love you so much.

Do you, he said. His eyes were dark and uncertain, full of pain and fear.

What is it, darling? I asked. Why do you look like that?

The door opened before he could answer, and Frith and Robert came in with the tea.

Five minutes later, we were alone again. I saw the color had come back to Maxim's face.

The lost look was gone.

Pour me a cup of tea, darling, he said to me, and forgive me for being so unkind.

He smiled at me and then picked up his newspaper. I was not hungry. I felt very tired.

I gave a piece of cake to the dogs. I wanted to wipe my hands, so I took out the handkerchief.

I realized that it was not mine. It must have come from the pocket of the raincoat.

In the corner I saw two letters, a tall R and a W. It was Rebecca's.

The raincoat, which was too big and too long for me, was hers too. I noticed a scent on the

handkerchief. It was the scent of the flowers in the happy valley. It was wet and cold for a week,

and we did not go to the beach again. I could see the sea from the terrace and the lawns.

It looked cold and grey. If I listened, I could hear the sound of the sea.

A dull sound that never stopped. I was glad our rooms were in the east wing,

and I could look out of my window and see the rose garden. I thought about the cottage often.

It disturbed me. There were secret questions at the back of my mind. I could not forget

the lost look in Maxim's eyes. It was all my fault because I had gone down to the bay.

I knew there was a wall between us. My shyness and awkwardness became worse when we had visitors.

I always had the fear of saying something I should not be saying. I could imagine them thinking,

what a dull girl. She's so different from Rebecca. One day the wife of a bishop was visiting.

Will you hold the Mandalay Fancy Dress Ball this year? She asked. It was always so lovely.

We enjoyed it very much.

I don't know, I said, pretending I knew about it. We have not decided. I hope you do it.

Mandalay is perfect for a ball. The hall looked wonderful with the dancing and the flowers.

Yes, I said. Yes, I must ask Maxim about it.

We came to a garden party too, one summer, said the bishop's wife. It was a perfect day.

We had tea in the rose garden. It was such a clever idea. She was very clever.

She stopped and her face turned pink. I said, Rebecca must have been a wonderful person.

I could not believe I had said her name at last. I felt better.

You never met her then, the woman asked.

She was a lovely person, full of life. She was good at everything too. I said, clever and beautiful.

Yes, she was very beautiful. I remember the night of the ball, her wonderful dark hair

against her white skin. She looked after everything in the house, I said smiling.

I'm afraid I leave it to the housekeeper. Well, you are very young, aren't you? You will learn in time.

When she was gone, I sat in the library. I thought about the ball,

mandalay, full of people in costume, talking, laughing and dancing, musicians playing a

waltz, long tables full of food. I thought of Rebecca, so beautiful and clever, arranging everything.

What did people think of me? I did not care. They could think what they liked.

Later that afternoon, Frank Crawley came to the house. I liked him. I told him about my visitor

earlier in the day. I asked him about the fancy dress ball at mandalay.

Oh, yes, he said, after hesitating a moment. It was held every year. People from this area

and people from London came.

It must have been a lot of work, I said. Rebecca must have done most of it. I had said her name again.

Frank looked at me. I felt he was trying to read my face.

We all helped, he said.

Will you ask Maxim about the ball? I said. He did not reply. We were silent for a while,

but I was curious and had many questions.

I was at that cottage on the beach the other day, I said. The place is in a terrible condition.

Why isn't something done about it?

If Maxim wanted to do something, he would tell me.

Are they all Rebecca's things in there? I asked.

Yes, he said. Did she use the cottage a lot?

Yes, she did. She had moonlight picnics and things like that.

It was strange that he called her she, not Mrs. De Winter or Rebecca.

Why is there a boy in the sea? I asked. There's no boat.

There was a boat. She had a boat.

Was it the boat Rebecca was sailing when she died?

Yes, he said quietly. It turned over and sank. The sea is sometimes very rough.

Nobody saw the accident. Nobody knew she had gone.

When did they find her? I said.

About two months later, they found her about 40 miles up the coast.

Maxim had to go there to identify her.

Suddenly, I did not want to ask anymore. I felt sick. I hated myself for asking so many questions.

Frank, I said, I'm sorry. I asked all those questions. It's not because I'm curious.

It's that everything is so strange to me at Mandalay.

I know people look at me and think how different she is from Rebecca.

Mrs. De Winter, please don't think that, he said. I am very glad that you married Maxim.

It will make such a difference in his life.

But I see all the things I lack. Confidence, beauty, intelligence.

You have the qualities that are more important. You are so good for him. You are fresh and young and sensible.

None of us want to bring back the past. Your job is to take us away from it.

I was happier, but I had one last question.

Frank, I said, tell me, was Rebecca very beautiful?

He was looking away from me. I could not see his face.

Yes, he said.

Yes, she was the most beautiful woman I ever saw in my life.

I did not see Mrs. Danvers much. She still called me on the house telephone every morning

and asked me about the menu. But that was our only communication.

She had found a maid for me, Clarice, a nice, quiet girl.

This was Clarice's first job and she was new to Mandalay.

So she was the only person in the house that respected me.

Ever since Beatrice had told me how much Mrs. Danvers had adored Rebecca,

my fear of her had lessened. I began to feel sorry for her.

It must be difficult to call someone else, Mrs. De Winter,

to see someone else sitting in Rebecca's chair.

Frank had told me to forget the past and I wanted to do that.

But I had to sit at Rebecca's desk every morning and hold her pen

to look at all the things that had belonged to her.

I did not want to think about Rebecca. I wanted to be happy

to make Maxim happy. This was my only wish, but I felt like a guest in my house.

A large parcel arrived one morning as I was sitting by myself in the morning room.

It was Beatrice's wedding present for me. I opened it excitedly. She had sent me four big

books on painting. It was nice of Beatrice. She knew I enjoyed painting,

so she had chosen these books. I was very happy. I had something that belonged to me now.

I took the heavy books and put them carefully in a row on the desk.

I stood back to look at them. Suddenly, one of them fell, taking the others down with it.

The China ornament that was standing on the desk was knocked onto the floor.

It was a beautiful little cupid. It broke into many pieces.

I was frightened, so I picked up the pieces and then put them into an envelope.

I hid the envelope at the back of one of the drawers.

The following day, Maxim and I were in the library when Frith brought our coffee.

After leaving the coffee, he paused.

Could I speak to you, sir? He asked.

Yes, Frith. What is it? said Maxim, looking up from his paper.

It's about Robert, Frith said thoughtfully. He's upset. Mrs. Danvers has accused him of stealing

a valuable ornament from the morning room. She says he has stolen it or broken it.

Maybe someone else did it. One of the maids?

No, sir. Nobody else had been there. Only Madame. I see. Tell Mrs. Danvers to come here,

and we'll find out what happened. Which ornament was it?

The China Cupid, sir. The one on the desk.

Oh, no. That's very valuable. It must be found. Get Mrs. Danvers.

Frith left the room. I looked up at Maxim, my face read.

Darling, I said, I was going to tell you, but I forgot. I broke it.

You broke it. Why didn't you say so, when Frith was here?

You'll have to explain it to him and Mrs. Danvers now.

Oh, no. Please, Maxim. You tell them. Let me go upstairs.

Don't be silly. Are you afraid of them? I am afraid of them. Not afraid, but...

The door opened, and Frith and Mrs. Danvers came in.

It's all a mistake, said Maxim. It seems Mrs. De Winter broke the Cupid, and forgot to say anything.

They all looked at me like I was a child. I'm so sorry, I said.

Is it possible to repair it, Madame? Asked Mrs. Danvers.

She looked at me, with her skull's face and her dark eyes.

I'm afraid not. It's broken into pieces.

What did you do with the pieces? asked Maxim.

I put them in an envelope. It's in one of the draws of the desk.

Find the envelope and send the pieces to London, Mrs. Danvers, said Maxim.